It’s every bride’s and groom’s dream on their wedding day to have a long and happy marriage. You picture yourselves raising a family, sharing adventures and celebrating future milestones together. It’s certainly the ideal, so when I recently learned about a couple who have been married for over 60 years I decided to reach out to them to get some marital advice to share with you. Here are 6 newlywed’s guide to having a long and happy marriage.
1. Uncover your hidden marriage expectations.
We all come into marriage with a set of mostly unconscious ideas about how great things will be—that no human spouse can meet. “Expectations like ‘Everything will be fabulous, this is my one true love, this person will make me finally happy.
I’ll avoid every mistake I’ve made in the past’ put a huge burden on ourselves and our spouses and our marriages,” says Patty Howell, a relationship counselor and author of World Class Marriage: The Art and Science of Relationship Success. “We judge what’s really happening very harshly when we use those standards.”
2. Talk calmly and confidently about your needs and wants.
Your spouse cannot read your mind. Many spouses report that sharing their feelings, thoughts, desires, and expectations feels scary; others just don’t know how.
Why it’s vital: Clamming up in order to preserve the status quo will just leave you resentful and angry and keeps your spouse in the dark. Coming on too strong will put your partner on the defensive.